What God Has joined together, Sermon 10 of 10 (final sermon)
Has God Really Joined Together?: The Pinnacle Question of Doubt Concerning Marriage in Our Day
(Children's Sheet for Sermon Interaction is at bottom. Notes for young children to answer are throughout sermon)Pastor Kerry Kinchen, Bridgeway Bible Church
Please turn to Matthew 19:4-9. As has been the case in all the prior sermons in this series, this is our foundational passage that we are working from. While you are turning there, I want to share with you something that I heard on a radio broadcast a few years ago. It was a 90 second ad from a Christian organization called "Family Life Ministries." As I listened, I realized that I was hearing the foundation of this series--Christian marriages are gifts. You might be thinking: "Don't all Christian ministers teach this?" Actually, no. In fact, I would estimate that over 90 percent of Christian ministers in western culture not only do not teach this basic Biblical fact but they also do not believe it. The consequences are seen in the way marital preaching and ministry has focused upon working on marriages from a philosophy of what man has joined together, instead of preaching and personal counseling ministry that builds upon the foundation of what God has joined together. When I got home, I got the ad transcript off of their website. I want us to listen carefully, as I read it. A man named Dennis Rainey asks the question,
"Have you ever thought of your spouse as a gift?"
[Then a woman answers;]
"Absolutely. Because from the time I met him I regarded him as a gift from God."
[Then a man answers the question. He says,]
"I don't know; Definitely feel lucky at times to find such a great person--a mother, a wife.
[Then Mr. Rainey makes this comment;]
"A woman who attended one of our Family Life 'Weekend to Remember' conferences ... learned to think of her spouse as a gift. She had always felt like she married the wrong man. But, she had never shared her doubts with her husband, fearing it would hurt him. After going through the conference, she realized that God had provided her husband just for her. Her love for her husband soared as she expressed her acceptance of him. What about you? Have you received your spouse as a gift from God? You can have confidence in God. The way He brings people together supersedes circumstances, because He is a God who rules 100 percent of the time. And He can be trusted. One final thought. If you're married, you can put the past behind you once and for all by deciding that God has brought you together. ... why don't you consider saying to your spouse with firm conviction, "I receive you as God's gift to me."
I contacted "Family Life" and thanked them for teaching that Christian spouses are gifts to one another. I asked them to please be consistent in teaching this vital principle. In respect to ourselves, I want us to think about this foundation for a moment. I want us to think about how much this core fact is not being embraced by Christians. I want us to think about how this core fact is not always so apparent to Christians; even ones who claim to recognize it. I want us to consider what the guy on the broadcast said when asked if he thought of his spouse as a gift. Remember, he said "I don't know." What else did he say? He said that he felt "lucky" at times. Think about that. Is that you? Do you look at your spouse, and you think, "I guess I feel lucky at times." Maybe you think of your spouse and say, "I don't feel very lucky." That man's answer is one that reflects what multitudes of married Christians "feel." They feel this way about their marriages. This is what feelings based theology and doctrine produces. Sometimes, they feel they were lucky. At other times they feel they were unlucky. Of course we know that God never speaks in terms of "luck." He doesn't talk about being transformed by the feeling of your mind. God speaks of the transforming foundation as is recorded in His word. The whole subject of "What God Has Joined Together" is based on a simple premise; God determines, designs, and develops the marriages of His people (Christians with Christians). The scriptural record is clear:
1) God is a matchmaker
2) Marriage is a gift from Him
This foundation is gleaned from Genesis 2:18-25. It is God's determined, designed, and developed proto-marriage seen in Adam and Eve. Part of the Scriptural foundation is also Genesis 24:12-14. It is where Abraham's servant finds the bride God determined, designed, and developed, for Isaac. Two Proverbs are blended into the foundational mix. Proverbs 18:22 explains where finding a wife is "favor" that God has bestowed. Proverbs 19:14 states that a prudent wife is specifically from God. Judges 14:4 adds insight by showing that God also gives wives that are not prudent. Malachi 2:14-16 is vital. It enlightens us to the fact that God made the marriages of His people, Judah, and He gives the reason. It was so that He would receive a Godly offspring. Then there is the passage I asked you to turn to this morning, Matthew 19:3–9. Let's read it together now,
''Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause at all?''
[Jesus' answer is essential to the foundation. He says,]
''Have you not read--he replied, that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, 'for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
[Here it comes]
Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.
[This proclamation also prophetically pointed to the relationship of the "last Adam" (1 Corinthians 15:45) the "firstborn from the dead," (cf. Colossians 1:18, Revelation 1:5); the first born of many siblings (cf. Romans 8:9) ( in being made "one spirit" (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:17) with His "bride" (cf. Ephesians 5) as Once Saved In Eternal Spiritual Salvation.]
'Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?' He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way." Matthew 19:3–9
This is where Jesus refers to the original marriage that He, as God, designed in the beginning. The important words that we need to make note of are,
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate." Matthew 19:6
This is our foundation stated in concise words. And then there is also 1 Corinthians 7:7-8. Paul states that singleness and marriage are gifts from God. He says that each state is what God has "assigned" in 1 Corinthians 7:17. Finally we looked at Ephesians 1 with Ephesians 5. This is where the Spirit explains the consummate marriage. It is the joining of Christ, the groom, with His elect people; His church the bride. It describes the ultimate marriage made in heaven in the ultimate covenant--the New and everlasting Covenant. With all these foundational things in mind, I ask you to please prepare your heart to learn, along with me, in this sermon
What God Has joined together, Sermon 10 of 10
"Has God Really Joined Together?: The Pinnacle Question of Doubt Concerning Marriage in Our Day"
[prayer]
Even though it seems like a straight forward scriptural proclamation, there are many difficult concepts involved with the whole realm of what God has joined together in His holy matrimony. One is God's comprehensive sovereignty. God's sovereignty in our lives is a fact; yet God's comprehensive sovereignty is difficult to fully understand. When we think about the lofty subject of God's sovereignty, we may ask,
Is God really in control of every single minute detail of the universe?
Is God really in control of every minute detail of what you, me, and all the billions upon billions of people, do in the universe? Those questions lead us to ask, Is God really in control during the events surrounding marriage? We might quickly answer "yes," and we would be correct; but what about issues like what we covered in the last two sermons?; like for example, divorce. Or, what about the issue of divorce and remarriage? Many of us who answered yes so quickly before, might now be wondering: In God's sovereignty, is the second marriage (the re-marriage) one that God has joined together? This question leaves many of us scratching our heads. Philosophically it appears that because man has ripped the covenant into pieces thus nullifying the previous marriage in what man separates, then the remarriage to another Christian in a brandnew covenant may be considered to be something that man and woman joins together--not God. And what about physical abuse? Spousal abuse is a tough issue. It is so difficult that we wonder: Is a marriage with an abusive spouse who claims to be a Christian, really what God has joined together? How can we call anything that is torturous "a gift" from our loving God? In attempting to shed some light on this, I am hoping to answer these kinds of questions. In doing so, I want us to consider some important points.
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The first point is concerning the general subject of God's comprehensive Sovereignty and God's comprehensive determination. The contemplation of God's comprehensive sovereignty, and His comprehensive determination, must be one of the toughest mind puzzlers we can be confronted with. Books are written about it. Arguments are started over it that seem to never end, and yet, no matter what we think or do not think about the details of what we might be inclined to call "the science" of God's sovereignty, the fact remains that God is what He is. He is sovereign.
As we get going here, I think it is important to have a working definition of God's sovereign will; also called God's sovereign determination. This will keep all of us on the same page as we proceed. God's sovereignty is defined as His attribute of all encompassing authority and power. Then there is God's determination--His will. God's determination is that attribute of His purposing all that exists according to His unique genius. In respect to the comprehensiveness of this, essentially God always does what He wants to do all the time. An important fact to remember as we attempt to contemplate God's sovereign determination in what He has joined together, is that He is in control. God is in control simply because it is impossible for His all-present, all-powerful, superlativeness to be out of control. In other words, being out of control, is not part of God's essential being. This is more of what it means when we speak of God's sovereignty. Still, it is difficult for us tiny humans, in our limited ability, to understand God's willful control. It is harder when we consider things like the curse of Adam, the consequences of sin, and our own individual volitional choices. Because of this, it is easy to think that God made everything according to a controlled plan, and then later He left it all to randomness and chance for it to play out. But that is not the way it is. God is bigger than that, and He is bigger than that in respect to marriage too. It is amazing to think about, but our sovereign Lord has His willful hand on our lives as we exist in every aspect of our gifts of singleness on through the gifting of marriage. On our part, if we attempt to dissect the data concerning the depth, and size, of God's sovereign hand, we really should be approaching the subject with caution. We want to be careful not to think like humanistic philosophers. For example, we don't want to think that if God is truly sovereign in everything, then he must be some sort of a big meany because there is so much pain and suffering. What else? We also don't want to try and make up rules where we think humans need to be perfect, or that we must do everything perfectly for God to be successful concerning His sovereign plans for us. For example, there is a danger of thinking,
If I make mistakes, or if I sin, then I have ruined God's sovereign plans.
It is because of my plans, that God's sovereign plans are thwarted.
To keep from thinking in those wrong ways, there are a few aspects of God's sovereign determination that will help us to understand (at least as much as we are humanly able) that our sin, or any decision for that matter, does not ruin God's sovereign plans. What are those aspects? Make a note of this: Those aspects are known as God's clearly Revealed Determination, on one hand, and His determination on the other which is not initially so apparently clear, or we simply do not know what it is at all. We can call it His Unrevealed Determination. First, lets examine the aspect of God's revealed determination. God's revealed determination is expressed in His originally revealed mandates. Or we can call this what academic type theologians call it. It is referred to as God's "preceptive" will. What exactly is God's preceptive will? I've used this term often in this series though I do not consider myself an academic theologian. God's preceptive will is that aspect of God, where He reveals His will to us, and it is usually some sort of directive. Think of a command or a specific instruction. It is a precept. God did not keep it hidden. He revealed it to us. What is important in this first point, is that though we have the revelation of God's precept, we may only be aware of this one view of His sovereign determination. This is why we must understand the principle of that other aspect of God's determination. Remember, it is His unrevealed will. We can also call it God's unrevealed agenda. Or, we can call this aspect by the same term that academic theologians use. It is referred to as God's "decretive" will. Whenever you think of this aspect of God's determination, you can think of it as often being God's hidden will that He is working behind the scenes. For our purpose, we can understand the aspect of it in which God ordains His decretive will and makes it come about in all things, and events. "All things and events" even includes human disobedience to God's originally revealed precepts. In God's unrevealed agenda, we may (from our point of view) even describe God as "permitting" certain things to happen. All of these are terms that have been used to describe what we perceive to be how the Scriptures demonstrate the way God determines, ordains, and decrees, everything into existence. Let me state it one more time in an easy to understand way. You might want to jot this down somewhere. The preceptive aspect of God's determination can be remembered by thinking of God's precepts. God makes His precepts known in respect to what he desires. So, a good memory help is the preceptive aspect of God's determination has the word "precept" inside of it as its root. For our purposes, the decretive aspect of God's determination can be remembered by replacing the d with an s as "secretive." In other words, the decretive is God's eternal decree that He knows about. The decree exists. It is going to happen; but like a secret, it can be mysterious to the rest of us. It does not always have to be a secret, but it often is. Often times we do not know what God is ultimately going to do with it all. The big point is that whether we are obedient to His originally revealed precepts or not, our actions are not effecting His mysterious (secret) decree and its accomplishment. A rule to keep in mind concerning this is that God is never surprised by anything which includes everything involved with what He has joined together in marriage. Biblically, we see the pattern of how all this works together where God will tell us to do something; and we may choose to be obedient, or we choose to sin which is disobedience; and at the same time, God continues unhindered with the fullness of His foreordained plans which are plans we may not be typically aware of and may not understand. The point is that God's foreordained willful works are never hindered. They may seem like they are hindered to us in our finite way of thinking because we can easily fail to realize that God is so immense that He uses all of His creatures actions for His glory. Let me give you another theological word. It is just a term that helps clarify this deep subject. Basically, when we speak of God working with His creatures to accomplish His determination, we are talking about the doctrine of "concurrence." The reformed pastor and theologian, Dr. RC Sproul defines concurrence by saying:
"We are creatures with a will [choice] of our own. We make things happen. Yet the causal power we exert is secondary. God's sovereign providence stands over and above our actions. He works out His will [determination] through the actions of human wills [choices], without violating the freedom of those human wills [choices]." (Essential Truths of the Christian Faith, p. 62; "will" clarified by K Kinchen)
I want us to think about this definition as we consider what God joins together. The scriptures shed some light on the principle of concurrence through multitudes of illustrations. For example, in the beginning God made a precept when He told Adam that he was allowed to eat from any tree in the garden except one. This was God's revealed mandate to Adam; Yet, Adam disobeyed God by eating from the forbidden tree. Let me ask you a question; Was God taken by surprise by Adam's rebellious action? No. Foreknowing that Adam's sin would result in further sin and death to all generations, God preplanned before Adam ever ate (in the decretive mysterious aspect of His determination) to send His very own Son to redeem people from the curse. This is made clear in Ephesians 1:4,
"he elected us in him before the creation [foundation] of the world ..." Ephesians 1:4
Here we see that God determinately elected certain people, in the sphere of the Messiah, before the creation of the world. Adam sinned after the creation of the world. God had already decreed His sovereign determination beforehand. Later God actuated the redeeming, atoning, propitiating, aspect of it at the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. Peter explained it this way,
"... Christ ... was elected before the creation [foundation] of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake," 1 Peter 1:19–20
Joseph and his brothers is a famous example of this. God's revealed will to Joseph's brothers was to not ge t rid of Joseph. God's revealed will was that his brothers would serve Joseph according to Joseph's prophetic dream. The sin of Joseph's brothers was that they hated Joseph (Genesis 37:4) and in their hatred, they criminally sold him into slavery. They lied to their father and claimed that Joseph was killed by wild animals. Consequently, Joseph was in arduous, humiliating, hurting, painful, slavery for many years. None of this was done according to God's revealed precepts. But Joseph also became the most powerful man in all of Egypt next to the Pharaoh. In this position, Joseph ultimately blessed his family which were God's people, and he also saw the original preceptive aspect of God's determination come to fruition. His brothers finally did bow down to him. Yet, in the whole process in all the events leading up to Joseph's exalted position of power, God's secret aspect was being worked out even though Joseph and his brothers did not know the secret will of God in the whole orchestration. In other words, God decreed that the sin of Joseph's brothers, and all the years of arduous slavery with all the pain and humility, must come about as a matter of God's decretive determination, and it did. This is why we read Joseph declaring to his brothers later after everything has been revealed,
"5 Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.
["God sent me." Do you see the principle? Joseph repeats it again,]
... 7 God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to keep you alive by a great deliverance. 8 Now, therefore, it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh and lord of all his household and ruler over all the land of Egypt. 9 ... God has made me lord of all Egypt; ...
[Next Joseph states the rest of the principle in easy to understand terms]
20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result," Genesis 45:5-9, 5:20
@1 God raised up Joseph to demonstrate that what men mean to do for _______________, God means it for ultimate _________________ in His sovereign determination. Genesis 45:5-9, 5:20
It was evil for them to do because they transgressed God's preceptive determination. It was all good because of what God had meant it for in His sovereign determination all along. God's sovereign determination can also be illustrated in Christ being rejected as Israel's King and then being crucified at their hands. The murder of Christ was prophesied in the ancient scriptures like Isaiah 53 and Psalm 22, yet Paul writes concerning this that it was a hidden mystery (a secretive will) and that it was unrevealed to the rulers of the world in supernatural revelation. He says, if they would have known it they would not have executed the Messiah,
"7 But we impart a secret and hidden wisdom of God, which God decreed
[there it is. It is God decretive will]
before the ages for our glory. 8 None of the rulers of this age understood this, because if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory." 1 Corinthians 2:7-10
@2 If the rulers of the age that Christ was in would have understood the secret wisdom which God decreed before the ages for the glory of the elect, they would not have ______________________ the Lord of glory. 1 Corinthians 2:7-10
It was imperative that Christ be crucified so that He would become our sacrificial offering. This was His determination. In Hebrews 7:27 we read that He is the High Priest who offered Himself up as also the sacrificial Lamb; and yet it was mankind who tortured and killed Him in demonstrating their rejection of Christ. This is why Peter preached in his first sermon,
"23 this Man, delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, you nailed to a cross by the hands of godless men and put Him to death." Acts 2:23
@3 Christ Jesus was delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, and the means that God used was to have Jesus be nailed to a cross by the hands of ___________________ men. Acts 2:23
Peter is talking about concurrence, but the blinded Jews did not understood what was happening while it was happening. This is why Peter prayed later in Acts 4,
"27 For truly in this city there were gathered together against Your holy servant Jesus, whom You anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, 28 to do whatever Your hand and Your purpose predestined to occur." Acts 4:27-28
Yes, God is never, ever, out of control. The sinful actions of those who rejected Israel's Messiah was the opposite of God's revealed mandate. God's revealed mandate to them was to love and follow Christ--not kill Him. Yet, in God's decretive will, they concurrently did whatever God's hand and His purpose predestined to occur. I'm talking about the amazing, and mind boggling facts concerning God's unrevealed will, and His revealed will, in concurrence. The point that we need to get in all of this, is that these aspects of God's sovereignty must be considered as one contemplates who, why, where, when, how, and if, one should marry. These principles of God's sovereignty can be particularly helpful in answering the pinnacle question of doubt concerning marriage in our day. It is the epidemic question that haunts multitudes of Christians in respect to whether God has really joined together.
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This leads to the second point. The second point has to do with how this plays out practically in various marriage situations. Take for example, situations where a Christian divorces a Christian and marries another Christian. There are also situations in which a Christian marries a non-Christian who eventually, by God's grace, becomes a Christian also. Now think about these things; Is God really the gift-giver in these kinds of marriages? In light of what we know about various aspects of God's determination in respect to His revealed agenda and His unrevealed agenda I want us to consider divorce. We know that God stated His hatred for divorce of His people according to Malachi 2:16 even though He allowed it in the Old Covenant Mosaic Law given on Mt. Sinai because of the hardness of men's hearts. When Jesus gave the lesson on God's allowance of divorce, He defined God's will from the beginning by explaining that divorce was not God's intention for His people. Jesus was prophetically pointing to the New Covenant where God wants hearts to be softened with steadfast love toward spouses. He wants unmerited favor in grace in the marriages of His regenerated people. It is a different law. It is the higher law. It is the Royal Law of Christ the New Covenant established at Galgaltha and at the emptying of the tomb in resurrected glory. It is supernomianism where we manifest Christ and His love out of our hearts toward God and others. He wants us to be good stewards in our responsibility in manifesting love in doing our part in our ministries to our marriages. God wants Christian men to love their wives as Christ loves the church, Ephesians 5. That means that, as a matter of precept, God does not want Christian men to divorce their wives. Divorce is not part of the stewardship, calling, and ministry of the husband. Likewise, God wants Christian wives to treat their imperfect sinful husbands in the committed, respectful, and loving behavior as as they would toward Christ, Ephesians 5. God wants forgiveness, faithfulness, grace, love and respect which means God is not wanting His daughters to divorce from their spouses. This is because Christian marriages are a picture of Christ and the church. But divorce exists; and so does remarriage. There are also those other cases. God forbids unequally being bound together with a non-Christian in 2 Corinthians 6:14. But marriages exist that have unequally bound partners. The question we want to explore is whether or not the new marriage partners in the situations just mentioned are really God's sovereign gifting. Are such people really the Christian spouse's stewardship, and ministry? The answer has two aspects to it based upon the first principle we have looked at. The first aspect is that God's precepts of the life of the Law of love have been disobeyed in divorce. God's originally revealed decrees have been violated. So, in this respect, God disapproves of those kinds of actions of His children. The other aspect has to do with God's decretive determination which flows from God's grace through Christ. In respect to Christians, we must recognize that God's grace determination is welded to the fact that Paul writes without distinction that Christians married to Christians are God's gifts to one another. In other words, when a Christian divorces a Christian that person has rejected God's gift given in the original marriage. It was not the way of Christ's royal law of love of the Spirit. God's preceptive will has been trampled under foot, and though all that is true there is another fact that exists. It is just as true. It involves the preceptive, decretive, and concurrent aspects of God's comprehensive will. The remarriage to another Christian, though contrary to God's originally decreed command is cleansed under the grace covenant of Christ. This is why Paul says that remarriage is not a sin in 1 Corinthians 7,
"27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released [divorced, or loosed from the covenant]. Are you released [no longer a spouse through being severed from the covenant] from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned;" 1 Corinthians 7:27-28
Along with this, there is another consideration; The new marriage is foreknown which means that God determined it to exist in some way in His active concurrence in His sovereignty. Finally, it is a marriage of two Christians. This is important. This type of marriage is the result of prior actions that God does not mandate in precept, but it is still God's grace which forgives the prior divorce and allows the remarriage. Therefore it can be understood in human terms as being under the status of a grace gift. Again "Why?" Because it is a gift that is allowed in God's decretive will under the grace blood of Christ. Someone may say at this point
So it is no big deal for Christians to divorce and remarry.
I guess it doesn't really matter if Christians divorce.
No. According to God's revealed precepts, it is a big deal. But we could try to say similar "knee jerk" things about any subject that goes against God's precepts and we would be wrong too. It is foolish to say,
So it is no big deal for Christians to sin.
I guess it doesn't really matter if Christians sin.
The point is that Christians should not divorce. Christians should not sin. Remember, Paul said in Romans 6:1 and 6:15, after describing how huge grace really is, that grace is not a license to sin. It is important that a certain fact be made clear: The legitimacy of the remarriage, and the forgiveness that covers the prior divorce, does not condone divorce. Let me repeat that: The legitimacy of the remarriage and the forgiveness that covers the prior divorce does not condone divorce. In a similar manner to how God allowed divorce because of the hardness of man's heart, God allows the previous divorce, and then the gifting of a second marriage in the New Covenant because of the grace of the cross through Christ. The main thing is that I have been wanting to get one particular point across. It is to be consistent in recognizing God's sovereignty in respect to what He joins together.
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This leads us to my third point this morning. I want us to examine another type of situation. It has to do with the post-marriage conversion of a spouse in which a Christian marries an unsaved person who later gets saved. Biblically, we recognize that the unequal yoking which occurred beforehand was contrary to God's revealed will. The precept makes this clear,
"Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers," 2 Corinthians 6:14–17
@4 God warns us to not be joined together with ______________________. 2 Corinthians 6:14–17
Nevertheless, a converted sinner, within a marriage, is still a converted sinner, right? That person is a brother, or sister, in Christ now. So, we must deal with this fact. This spouse is, now, cleansed under the grace covenant of Christ. This spouse is, now, recognized as being saved according to God's foreordination. This means that that this spouse is equally yoked with another Christian which means that the marriage union has become a proper one-flesh covenant relationship. This is where the principles we covered concerning God's sovereignty are so important. Though this type of marriage occurs after the original act of disobedience, it is still God's grace which allows it to be understood as a gift in God's decretive will. Yet, as in the other scenarios I have shared, it is important for us to note that the legitimacy of the post-marriage conversion does not mean that the prior forbidden action has been condoned by God. Nobody is saying that it is. We identify sin and foolishness from God's recorded precepts by the Spirit. In other words, the missionary marriage goal of joining with someone who is spiritually dead as a starting point, is a sin. Further, it is a sin that can hurt you greatly in the long run, both spiritually, and physically. This tragedy happened recently in our community with a young man and young female who decided to get married. They do not go to our church, but most of us here know who they are. Numerous people discerned that the girl was not saved. The two got married. A few months later, she left him to live among the lost world culture that she realized she is more comfortable existing in. There is another problem with the missionary evangelism marriage that is beside the actual sin act. The Christian has no guarantee that the spiritually dead person that they marry will ever get saved. The unsaved spouse usually doesn't. Such people are playing a very dangerous game of Russian roulette if they are foolishly considering the missionary marriage route.
In the examples I have given where we can question whether God has really joined together, I know that there are multitudes of opinions concerning the relationship situations and other situations like them. Unfortunately, time only allows me to cover them briefly here. Because of the nature of these types of relationships I also realize that it is easy to take extreme stances regarding them. One extreme condones the sinful lifestyle. The other extreme lives under perfectionistic legalism. The balance is that Jesus Christ is Lord and Jesus Christ is Savior, Romans 10:9–10. He is the Lord who saves. He is the Savior who is Lord. When we receive Him into our hearts, we get everything that comes with His status. We are to seek to please Him in every thought and action by the Spirit (as Lord) and we are to rely upon Him as our righteousness which is consistently imputed to us by the Spirit (as Savior). We do this in every area of our lives which includes marriage. This view is scriptural according to the true understanding of the New Covenant. When we fail, we have an advocate with the Father. When we do not fail, we have only done what the Advocate has motivated us to do by His Spirit and His word. Like Adam the first single, and first married male, and like Eve the first married female, we will all encounter our own forbidden fruit failures. Be assured, God is merciful;
"And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous" 1 John 2:1
@5 When we embrace Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, then if any one of us _____________, we have someone who is on our side to forgive us of our sins. 1 John 2:1
Part of God's mercy is that He works all things together for good in respect to being called according to His purpose.
/4/
This leads to the fourth point. It has to do with a question I have often encountered that goes like this:
Is it the Christian spouse that is the gift from God or is it the Christian marriage that is the gift from God?
The answer is that a marriage is both particular spouses joined as one flesh;
"... two become one ..."
The point is that you cannot receive a marriage without receiving a particular spouse. Therefore the spouse and the marriage exist as part of the same package as the gift. The simple explanation according to Matthew 19:6, is that the gift is
"what God has joined together"
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This leads to a final item that I think is vital to address. It may require much more to develop fully but I want to touch upon it. I am talking about spousal abuse; especially when the abused is trying to reconcile it with what God has joined together. I can hardly imagine how disheartening it is for someone who is being physically abused by a spouse to even attempt to consider that their marriage is something remotely called a gift. I can hear the objection;
"It must be something else, but certainly not a gift."
What must be understood concerning spousal abuse is that when God gives the gift of marriage to two Christians, there are two Christians receiving the gift. Both spouses make up the marriage. Both spouses are recipients of each other. Each has their responsibility before God in respect to the marriage. This is why we must not think wrongly. God does not want us to view marriage in the wrong way by thinking:
"I am the only one receiving my marriage and thus, receiving my spouse as the gift from God."
In other words, there are two Christians receiving the same gift of marriage. Both are God's stewards. Both are supposed to be ministers to, and in, their marriage. Now with that in mind, and staying with the important layer in our foundation (that the only true guarantee that God has given the marriage as a gift is the qualifier that both spouses are equally bound together as spiritually regenerated people) the Scriptures are clear about the way that each brother and sister in Christ is to treat the other. In 1 Peter 3:1-7 Peter says that a wife must have submissive, chaste, and respectful, behavior toward her husband. In verse 7, the husband must treat his wife with understanding. He must consider her to be, and lovingly treat her as, a weaker, fragile, sensitive, vessel. He must honor her as a fellow heir of the grace of life. Both Christian spouses are to appreciate their gifting of marriage and nurture it that way as their stewardship and ministry. We also see in Ephesians 5, that wives, are to be subject to their own husbands like they're subject to Jesus. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Additionally, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies; nourishing and cherishing her as his own body. The passage ends with this;
"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33
What we find, then, is that each of God's children in the gift of marriage is responsible to treat their gift-spouse in the manner prescribed by the gift-giver. To not do so is bad stewardship, and deficient ministry. It is suppressing Christ inside of us, and it is sin. The bottom line is that the gift of marriage is always perfect. The marriage of two Christians is God's sovereign choice for them. So, the sinful response of one of the spouses toward the other is a lack of respectful appreciation, stewardship, and ministry to the gift, and sadly, this lack of godly respectful appreciation may be manifested in physical abuse. Here's the point for all of us:
Every one of us is wholly accountable for all our actions--including the sin of abusing someone.
That is the way it is within the gift of marriage. God is sovereign in His comprehensive determination, but God is not the one responsible for the abusive spouses abuse of their gift. God says that the abusive spouse is the one responsible. God is only responsible for bringing the two together as one flesh according to His own reasons which include all his revealed and unrevealed agendas. Physical abuse should be dealt with. Physical abuse is sin in God's eyes and Physical abuse is "assault" in the government's eyes, and that is called a crime. Going to elders and friends in the church for help, intervention, and biblical counsel, is something you should do if you're being abused. Going to governing authorities according to Romans 13:1-4 is another thing that can be done. Paul said in that passage;
"1 Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. 3 For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; 4 for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil." Romans 13:1-4
Separating oneself from the abuser but not permanently divorcing the abuser--but separating from the abuser for safety, so that church and government intervention can take place, is something else that can be done. Finally, there is a need to question the abuser in respect to elements of the gospel. Instead of just assuming that someone who is a physical abuser is saved, we should assume that they may not be as is manifested in this arena of lack of love.
This topic, has been an introduction to the fact that though God has joined together when two Christians marry, the spouses are responsible for their own actions, and callings, in the marriage. All the topics we have covered; God's sovereignty in His perceptive, decretive, and concurrent workings, particularly during the events surrounding marriage. And, whether God has joined together after divorce when there has been a remarriage; and marrying an unbeliever; and spousal abuse, are all topics that come up when someone asks "Has God Really Joined Together?" It is clear from scripture that he has. So, with all these things in mind recognizing God's sovereignty, is how we should approach the gift of singleness in all of its aspects of Christian life (even the difficult ones) and this is how we should approach the gift of marriage in all of its aspects of Christian life too (even the difficult ones). Amen.
@1 God raised up Joseph to demonstrate that what men mean to do for _______________, God means it for ultimate _________________ in His sovereign determination. Genesis 45:5-9, 5:20
@2 If the rulers of the age that Christ was in would have understood the secret wisdom which God decreed before the ages for the glory of the elect, they would not have ______________________ the Lord of glory. 1 Corinthians 2:7-10
@3 Christ Jesus was delivered over by the predetermined plan and foreknowledge of God, and the means that God used was to have Jesus be nailed to a cross by the hands of ___________________ men. Acts 2:23
@4 God warns us to not be joined together with ______________________. 2 Corinthians 6:14–17
@5 When we embrace Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, then if any one of us ______________, we have someone who is on our side to forgive us of our sins. 1 John 2:1
